I’d Like To Apologise To You, Mr Driver

My behaviour after you’d passed me this morning was not what I’d have hoped. I let the school down, I let other cyclists down, but most of all, I let myself down.

I realise now that when you drove your Big Silver Audi past me as close as you could get, with the window down, and shouting something about “getting on the path”, you were not in fact inciting me to break Section 72 of the 1835 Highways Act, as amended by Section 85(1) of the 1888 Local Government Act, and subsequent Road Traffic Acts. Nor were you seeking to intimidate, bully or otherwise alarm me.

No. You were just trying to communicate with me. You wanted to communicate with me as a fellow human being, for whom you had the deepest concern, and only a desire for mutual understanding.

The trouble was that by the time you’d sped off in a cloud of diesel emissions, the only way I could communicate with you was via sign language.

I hate it when it does that.

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Posted in Bike Culture
4 comments on “I’d Like To Apologise To You, Mr Driver
  1. Betty says:

    Made me laugh. I get yelled at too, I’ve found if you smile and wave they look confused. A shouted good morning always scares them.

  2. KarlOnSea says:

    Ha! there’s also shouting, “Call me!” and putting the imaginary phone to your ear.

  3. Yves says:

    That is why it is good and proper that people in the UK shall not wear fire arms. When I was a cyclist… Let me clarify this: I am not anymore, I have given up that filthy habit, makes your lungs go all black (diesel soot) and will eventually kill you if you don’t give up or at least cut down. I also lack hardware i.e. a bike right now :(.
    Ok where was I ? When I was a cyclist I used to shout back, kick and punch and try and rip of mirrors if they got too close. If I would have had a gun, many Audi drivers would have died on British roads and I would have gone to prison or I would have been shot by an Audi driver. I always had this fantasy of attaching a thin metal rod to the back of the bike sticking out to the road by 4 foot so every time one of those nicely polished cars got too close they would scratch their paint work … So don’t feel bad about your hand sign, we all develop coping mechanisms for the abuse we suffer. Have you considered stopping cycling, I know a number for a helpline if you want it.

  4. KarlOnSea says:

    Hahaha! Excellent advice Mr Yves!

    How are things in Sunny Japan – getting lots of surfing in? And what’s this Yves Rocket Fuel about?

    Are you back in the UK any time soon? I can lend you a bike while you were here…

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